Loading ...Weirdly departed freakout
Posted by RaJ on September 1st, 2006
Recently I started reading The Purple Dragon Blog. In addition to some fine Fringegirl comics and insightful reflections, I found a marvelously weird meme titled Ten Possible Ways To Die. I liked it so much I tagged myself 
So without further ado here are my ten weird ways to become “dearly departed.”
- Enraged wolverine encounter.
- Physics experiment gone awry.
Example: someone throws a bowling ball from a highway overpass. Driving along the highway in my car, I “intersect its trajectory” i.e. the bowling ball crashes through my windshield and hits me in the head, killing me instantly. - Ladder to heaven.
Similar to previous item except (1) ladder falls from another vehicle vs. dropped from overpass and (2) I’ve already had one close encounter with an airborne ladder. - Brain termite.
Some kind of insect enters my ear, makes its way inside my skull, and proceeds to consume my brain one bite at a time. If I’m lucky it will form a colony and create many more little mouths to feed. This would likely speed up the process of my dying, a good thing under the circumstances. - Rain of frogs.
Death by suffocation or possibly poisoning, depending on frog type. - Karacoflu overdose.
I’m thinking it wouldn’t take much to do the job. - Revenge of the curds.
Food poisoning from eating bad cottage cheese. - Bad timing.
I finally achieve my lifelong goal and develop a working time travel machine, then due to a CPU’s floating point round-off error, transport myself into the earth’s core. Oh the irony!* - Terminal velocity.
Think “equipment malfunction” in the context of skydiving. Not to be confused with “wardrobe malfunctions” resulting from terminal stupidity. - It Came From Outer Space.
Meteors. Rocket boosters. Defunct satellites. The sky is indeed falling and the probability of some space object hitting me might be tiny… but it’s not zero.
Now - go visit the Purple Dragon Blog. Then get busy on your list. And have a nice, life-filled day!
* A cheap (5-cent†) pun.
† In the U.S. that of course means ‘nickel.’‡
‡ Mixing with the original (no. 8 above) makes an even worse pun, yes. Sorry.
September 1st, 2006 at 6:35 pm
I just can’t beat those.
September 1st, 2006 at 7:23 pm
Love it. Reminds me of the comic book I made in high school, titled ‘99 Ways To Die’ and illustrated entirely with strange and random stick figure deaths. Ah, those were the days…
September 1st, 2006 at 9:28 pm
I have an irrational fear of dying while seated on the toilet ( a la KING) or any other wholly undignified way. I literally wouldn’t want to be caught dead at say, A Black Eyed Peas concert. I’d never live it down!
September 2nd, 2006 at 6:10 am
I stand in awe of your devotion to layered, footnoted punning.
EWL: I have been told that the toilet itself can be a source of death. Cracks in the porcelain, see. Sitting down, porcelain collapsing, slicing through femural artery…
September 2nd, 2006 at 2:36 pm
Anaglyph - nice try. I consider you pretty much obligated to pick this up. Besides, you’ve already dreamed up at least one of the ten. Plus: somehow, in some manner: ‘Glitch.’
Miss Cartier - I don’t suppose you (1) still have a copy, and (2) are willing to post same? Or recreate a few? Either way consider yourself “tagged.”
Elasticwaistbandlady - I’m not sure that’s an irrational fear; seems pretty reasonable to me. Especially in light of Scroobious’ comment. As for Black Eyed Peas concerts, dead or alive - not good.
Scroobious - thanks. I’ll always be an acolyte to your undisputed footnote mastery, and I’m okay with that.
September 3rd, 2006 at 10:20 pm
I don’t know about the original meme, but this made me think of 10 Ways NOT to Die, and I can really only think of one way, corresponding to the first of its opposite: Actually being Wolverine and thusly owning everything and everyone within a thirty mile radius by simply breathing.
Wolverine > Chuck Norris
September 3rd, 2006 at 10:42 pm
I would not want to die in the hands of Chuck Norris.
I too am impressed by your footnotes. Especially considering it took 2/3rds of the 3 footnotes to make me get the pun.
I still laughed by the way, mightily so. And don’t think my lack of pun-knowledgry is your fault. If anything, you’re giving me good practice.
September 4th, 2006 at 12:06 am
Hey! I bought the machine I ‘discussed’ with you and it has been a source of much happiness so far AND you’ll be seeing more visits to your blog from DC now
Was this related to the post? no.
September 4th, 2006 at 5:44 am
*beams* Yay! Glad you like! One of these days, when my life has changed more, I’m going to do a second version of that list, I think.
As for the Fringegirl comics? I might continue them one day. just need to get myself a scanner.
Thanks for linking in where you got my thing.
September 4th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
Add “getting my heart barbed open by a stingray tail” to the list. Crikey!
R.I.P Steve Irwin
September 4th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
hmmmm…let me go see…
September 4th, 2006 at 9:40 pm
Demosthenes - two words: big. magnet.
SRaD - thanks for humoring me. I realize (now) I could have simply said, “Oh the nickel-irony!” or similar and dispensed with all the footnotes. But then I’d be like, all wondering if that would make me a dispensationalist, or just a dispenser. Sometimes I scare myself. Really.
A - that’s great news! Hope you’re able to maintain a proper balance between school work and blog related activities. Definition of ‘proper balance’ is left as an exercise to the reader.
Purple Dragon - you’re welcome. And while you’re looking for that scanner, if you find a nice, icon-sized picture for your weblog I’ll be happy to add a link to your weblog in the ‘roll here. You’ll fit right in I’m sure.
Elasticwaistbandlady - once again reality proves starnger than imagination. He sure seemed invulnerable to me…
Flying Monkeys - “you have mail.”
September 5th, 2006 at 2:06 am
The wolverines are the worst. Though I’d be more afraid of a badger. Or possibly a squirrel.
September 29th, 2006 at 11:33 pm
hehe very funny.
here via Michele’s
September 30th, 2006 at 9:48 am
Thanks
October 2nd, 2006 at 10:05 pm
I read the term “rain of frogs” and envisioned kissing one of them in order to find a prince. Then I envisioned Prince Charles appearing before me telling me that I shall be his new Camilla. Then I envisioned wanting to kill myself. So perhaps I could begin my list with envisions caused by Radioactive Jam’s list.
Now, only nine more to go……
October 3rd, 2006 at 12:50 pm
Michele - if more people connected “rain of frogs” and romance, that’d be pretty cool. Just need a mental detour between the found-prince part and becoming a new Camilla…
Also I’m thinking “may be hazardous to your envisions” would make a good weblog subtitle. Thanks!