Interesting USA Today article: Passenger jets get anti-missile devices.

Jets will fly with the jammer device mounted on the belly of the plane, between the wheels. The device works with sensors, also mounted on the plane, that detect a heat-seeking missile and shoot a laser at it to send the missile veering harmlessly off course. (emphasis added)

Call me a nit-picker but “harmlessly?” Hello?! That live warhead packed with high explosives might miss the airliner, but it ain’t gonna miss the ground.Guess I better add “heat-seeking missiles falling from the sky” to my list of airborne hazards. :-(And here’s a little something for discussion: a company spokesman says American Airlines is “philosophically opposed” to anti-missile technology on commercial planes.

“When you look at the cost benefit, it would be an extremely expensive proposition, and in the end, is it really going to work?”

Hmm. Can’t say I disagree, but I do wonder how many airliners would have to be destroyed by missiles before “benefit” trumps cost.I also wonder about black market heat-seeking missiles available for “a few hundred dollars.” If I mount one on the back of my car, would it discourage tailgaters?

Wherein your seriously RL-inundated Radioactive Overlord tries to catch up. Read on for an ode to visitors, a special birthday greeting, what’s up with RaJMa and an extraordinary Halloween “treat.”

New visitor Alice wrote these kind words in a comment:

You are a very comprehensive blogger. I salute you.

Alice, I’m pretty sure no one’s ever called me that before… but I really appreciate your words, and not just because they’re a perfect intro for this unusually comprehensive post.

Several first-timers have commented in recent days, and to each one of you I’d like to say:

I apologize.

Normally I try to go overboard with new visitors; I reply here and when possible, leave comments on the visitor’s weblog.

Family matters have taken priority, made me scarce in all things blog, and rightly so. Still, I will catch up with each of you soon. I promise.

Speaking of family matters, today we say Happy Birthday! to Radioactive Daughter R aka R2aD aka Annie, part-time spider huntress and full-time mother of grandson Austin. Please join me in wishing Annie the best and happiest birthday and year of her life so far.

Speaking of so far, the summary of medical news for my mom aka RaJMa and her newly joined battle against acute myeloid leukemia is “so far, so good.” Her test results have been encouraging, and her doctor recommends she begin treatment this weekend. The next couple weeks will be the worst; this is the part where the treatment could prove fatal. Her doctor believes without treatment, she could die in the same time frame, so - yeah. But her heart is strong, she’s in good health - other than dying from acute leukemia (and that’s her line not mine) - so she’s smiling… and ready for whatever awaits her in the days ahead.

My mom is of course awesome, and I gotta say: I love you, mom.

Speaking of– er. Kinda didn’t leave much in the way of segue material, did I. That’s okay, because this Halloween Freakout Treat stands on its own just fine. I found this figure while shopping with the Radioactive Spouse; needless to say we weren’t looking for Bobble-head Jack-O-Lantern Clowns but hey, when Cthulhu The Jack-O-Clown calls? I answer.

So my feiends… if you want to see the charming creature, look below the fold. If you dare.

Also please note depending on how you view this post, you might not have the benefit of a fold. Sorry; deal.

“He-elp meeee! He-elp meeee!” - The Fly

Yesterday blog feiend Avery Gray asked, “RaJ, if I tagged you for a meme tomorrow, would you be up for it?”

Correct answer: “Maybe” and/or “First tell me more” or something similarly cautious.*
My answer: “Sure!” Because, I thought, what could happen?

I’d like to take this opportunity to say, “D’Oh!”

I am kidding of course; almost always I don’t mind getting tagged for memes and this is no exception.

But still.

The meme for which I’ve been tagged is titled, and I quote, “Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With If I Were Single and They Were Real But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I Am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way So Maybe We Should Forget This.”

Try saying that one real fast three times.

Since this is definitely the most girly meme-theme I’ve ever seen, I checked the Worldwide Guy Club membership bylaws (please oh please…) but didn’t find anything that would prohibit me from doing this meme.

OF COURSE NOT. Stupid committees.

Note to self: initiate emergency edit of Worldwide Guy Club membership bylaws. Too late for me of course, but there are others who might be saved.

Anyway. Having been fairly tagged I hereby submit, in no particular order, my ten characters. And yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus requirement that I perpetuate the meme by tagging others. Rest assured I will do so, my feiends. Rest assured.

1. Elizabeth Frankenstein, from Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. I’m not sure why but this is one of the first that came to mind as I pondered this meme. Resident meta-geneticist Dr. Francis (”Don’t call me Frank.” “Okay.”) Enstine has often said he carries a torch for poor, tragic Elizabeth. Of course Dr. Enstine also connects himself to an intravenous caffeine infusion system, so… yeah. Suspect at best.
2. Applecore, from The War of the Flowers by Tad Williams. In case you’re unfamiliar with her character, Applecore is (a) roughly six inches tall and (b) a winged fairy. But these are neither obstacles nor even challenges, because “fairy magic.” Aside: this is a great story; if you haven’t read it, add it to your list.
3. Caroline Ingalls, from Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder. If the Radioactive Spouse had been born a hundred years earlier, she could have been Caroline Ingalls. If so I’d have been the happiest Charles in the frontier world. The fact this is pretty much her (the RaS’s) all-time favorite book series is of course a factor; I’m not completely stupid.
4. Dina Dalal, from A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry. As I read this moving and disturbing story about several interwoven lives in turmoil-plagued 1970s India, I found myself feeling strong empathy for this widowed seamstress struggling to make ends meet and live on her own in Mumbai. Again, if you haven’t read this book, consider doing so. Fair warning: don’t expect to remain untouched, no pun intended. Seriously. You might cry. It’s a powerful story.
5. Ixpar Karn, from The Last Hawk by Catherine Asaro. While Ms. Asaro’s fiction might not show up on Literature classics lists, her books are some of my all-time favorites. Ixpar Karn is a fine character, a headstrong, assertive, valiant leader. If I were a Jagernaut - one of Ms. Asaro’s astronaut-warrior cyborgs - stranded on planet Coba, I would be hard pressed to not engage in ritual snogging.
6. Melanie Hamilton, from Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell. If Scarlett doesn’t deserve Rhett, she certainly doesn’t deserve me.
7. Martine Desroubins, from Otherland by Tad Williams. Yes another character from one of Mr. Williams’ books; what can I say, I’m a hopeless fanboy. At least this character doesn’t hail from a different species. Martine is a recluse, blind since early childhood, and a reluctant hero able to draw from unexpected wells of strength to survive capture by a murderous psychopath and save her friends from a horde of deadly foes. I heart Martine.
8. Mariko, from Shōgun by James Clavell. Mariko is incredibly graceful, beautiful, serene, and– wait. Mariko is married, isn’t she. Ca-rap! Well, too bad I’m leaving her on the list.
9. Delphine Angua von Überwald aka Angua, featured in a number of Discworld novels by the inimitable Terry Pratchett. Yes, Angua does happen to be a werewolf, but most of the time this would not bother me (full moons being the understandable exception). Angua is a member of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch; in other words, she’s a cop. [Insert requisite girl-in-uniform remark here] Unlike her City Watch associate Cheery Longbottom Littlebottom (duh), a heavily bearded female dwarf with a thing for earrings and makeup, Angua. Is. Hot. [Insert requisite howl-at-the-moon remark here]
10. Last but not least: Tricia McMillan, also known as Trillian, from The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Two words: math. Whiz.

I realize several of these might seem a little strange or obscure, but they’re the best the monkeys could provide on short notice. And considering what I pay ‘em to write posts for me… yeah. They should all be fired. But I digress.

And now! The moment several of you should have been dreading waiting for: das tags. I’ll name just two, though anyone interested is more than welcome to pick this up.

First - Ransom Note Typography’s Jon Deal. I’m looking forward to seeing how he works in some of his signature “hetero man crush” targets, something I considered doing but don’t have the skillz to pull off.

Second - Pardon The Egg Salad’s Velocibadgergirl, because I suspect she’ll have even more fun with this than I did. Which I did in fact have. Fun. Of course if she’s already done it then she’s off the hook.

Thanks for reading along. Anyone care to name one or two of their favorite smoochy characters from literature, whether high-brow or low?

Wait! Igor! I should have listed– er.

Never mind.

* I was going to say “circumspect” instead of cautious because I (1) like the word and (2) get paid double for extra syllables, but I was afraid someone might get confused and think I wrote/meant “circumcised.” You can’t imagine how often that happens to me.†
† Wait for it… waaaiiit for it…

This is a certifiable and/or clown-free post. Satisfaction guaranteed or double your monkeys back. See official rules for details; please refer to details for official rules.

Not your typical* Friday Freakout post, this. No my feiends, today you get three treats: a line from a fluffy spamment, my new-found musical delight, and a peek under the shroud of mystery.

First - a fine line, from a recent spam comment.

She got that “teen” look of her skin, and adorable fluffy boobs.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I can honestly say I’ve never before seen those three words together, and now they’re burrowing into my brain like a mindworm.

Adorable.

Fluffy.

Boobs.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Second - a fine musical treat: One Cell in the Sea, the debut album from Alison Sudal aka A Fine Frenzy.

Maybe A Fine Frenzy is like Brandi Carlile and everyone (except me) already knows about her; I first learned of her via Twitter. After listening to samples and reading comments on Amazon, I bought her album. Eight bucks and free shipping! Such a deal! And the music? Clear, sweet vocals, substantive lyrics, pleasant melodies and instrumentation - there’s a lot to like, and I like it. A lot. I’m thinking your monkeys won’t vary on this one; click one of the links and decide for yourself.

Aaand third - a fine bit of Friday Freakout. The following image is related to the “shrouded” pic from a few days back; I won’t go into more detail - yet - but I will say this: meow, my feiends.

Me-Ow.

* Whatever that is.

Met a new neighbor a few mornings back. Didn’t quite catch the name but I’m thinking it’s a Sheila. Or Shelob. Something like that, anyway.

Click the picture for a much nicer view… if you don’t mind seeing very close-ups of very spidery creatures. Actual size is around 2 inches / 50 mm.

Still, this thing doesn’t even come close to Jon Deal’s new family pet.

Some people have all the luck, you know?

Maybe Jon and I can work some kind of trade. Assuming of course he hasn’t lost his tarantula.

In the house.

Again.

Howzabout you - any exotic pet stories you’d like to share?

Creation of the first artificial life could begin “within months.”

A few interesting bits from the article:

• Species transplant
• “Synthetic genome” made in a laboratory
• Goal: creation of a synthetic lifeform
• “Significant and unexpected advance”
• “Many controls are missing”

One of my favorite parts is where one researcher acknowledges they don’t truly understand how the introduced DNA reprograms the host cell.

“Science run amok” is a gross overstatement here, right? …Right?*

I asked our resident meta-geneticist Dr. Francis Enstine (”Don’t call me Frank.” “Okay.”) about this new research, but his answer came out garbled. Apparently I need to modulate my hearing with intravenous caffeine; at least that’s what he was doing.

So my feiends, we’re months away from the creation of synthetic lifeforms. Can sentience† be far behind?

Discuss.

* I am kidding of course. Only malevolent red-eyed robots run amok as far as I know.
† I.e. a precursor to the end of humanity’s reign as a dominant fauna on Earth.

This is all blog feiend Jhianna’s fault. She made me read a post titled The Clicking of Maggots, which made me get all Googly, which led me to this fine quote from a post titled Exotic yet disgusting foods from around the world:

The cheese woke him one night. Thinking he heard the clatter of rain, Marcone dashed out on the balcony, where he had placed it, to rescue the smelly specimen.
It wasn’t raining. What he’d heard was the sound of maggots jumping and hitting the inside of the cheese container. “Believe it or not, they go like this, tuk, tuk, tuk,” he said, imitating the sound. “You know when they’re going to jump. They curl up and spring.”

Aside: “The cheese woke him one night” ranks as one of the strangest, funniest sentences I’ve ever read.

Yes indeed my feiends, someone makes - and apparently, eats - a rare, expensive cheese notable for being riddled with live insect larvae. Big surprise: the cheese is (a) not pasteurized, and (b) known colloquially as “maggot cheese.”

If you’re less than thrilled by all this, you probably don’t want to know about Civet coffee.

Mmmm, cat poo…

Update: Radioactive Daughter R spotted another one of these beasts in her apartment; if you want to read (and hear!) her story, go here.

Found lounging near our bathroom ceiling, earlier this week.

The detection and removal process went something like this.

• Notice wall-crawler
• (time passes)
• Resume breathing
• Leave room
• Return with camera
• Take not even remotely close-up picture
• Leave room
• Retrieve long-handled broom
• Return to room
• Attempt to regain focus
• (time passes)
• Forgo attempt
• Compose last will and testament
• Compose self
• Raise broom
• Swipe at monster spider
• Dislodge beast from wall perch
• Pull-back broom
• Notice creature dangling from broom
• Idiotically continue pulling same toward self
• Finally realize what I’m doing
• Drop broom
• Casually note how unFREAKINGbelievably fast these suckers can run when they feel like it, as it speeds unchallenged toward my feet
• Dance and look like a high-stepping fool
• *splat*

Go ahead, laugh. Tell me how they’re harmless; I. Don’t. Care.

At least I didn’t (a) scream like a girl and/or (b) wee.

And what would you have done in my place, hmm?

How about some nice, tasty canned catfish to start your day?

No charge for the bonus gator chomps. From Russia with love; let the Chernobyl jokes begin.

Update: while the consensus here seems to be “ugh!” a couple people - Erik, Wendy, and maybe unintentionally Cissy Strutt - have suggested nice captions or product slogans for this picture. Any others?

(noted on - where else? - Neatorama)

Or as a former coworker liked to say, “Gobble-shoe!”*

Seriously: between the looming spectre of the Home Mucus Kit and the monster loaf cold, did anyone not see this coming? Anyone?

You know what we have here, yes? Put this… substance… in a jar, slap a warning label on it, and we’ve got gen-u-ine Radioactive Jam, my feiends. Coming soon to nowhere near you.

* Helps if you say it kind of fast, like. Also pretend you’re sneezing.