Life is full of risks, you know?

For example. By putting this link in a blog post, I risk losing readers.

I don’t know what to say except “I’m sorry” and I hope you’ll forgive me some day.

Disclaisure: I’m not clever enough to create things like this or even find them without professional help. A plurk feiend brought this to my attention and, well, I liked it. A lot.

The end.

“What’s this button do?” — Dee Dee (Dexter’s sister)

Spotted a few miles from where we live. And in case you’re wondering I have not tried to body slam press that key.

Yet.

By all means read the CNN story, but I think the headline says it all: Monkeys control robots with their minds.

If, like me, you now have visions of monkey-controlled, marauding red-eyed robots destroying everything in their path, have no fear. I am sure this technology will only be used for good.

I tracked down our illustrious Radioactive Jam staff member and resident meta-geneticist Dr. Francis Enstine (”Don’t call me Frank.” “Okay.”) and asked him about this monkey-brained robot research project. Dr. Enstine (”Call me Frank.” “Okay.”) seemed quite excited about it. He said, and I quote, “Plausible deniability!” then suddenly remembered he had an urgent appointment “somewhere” to do “something.”

Robots controlled by the minds of monkeys, my feiends. It doesn’t get any better than this in the radioactive realms.

While the CNN article linked above was released today, the technology has apparently been around for awhile. In fact, this article from November 2000 adds a truly disturbing fascinating twist: monkey brain signals - transmitted over the internet - controlled a robot arm 600 miles away.

Let’s review, shall we? Monkeys can control robots using their brains, and thanks to the magic of the internet they can do so from hundreds of miles away.

I heart technology, don’t you?

A grateful radioactive hat tip to blog and Twitter feiend Omar for bringing the CNN story to our attention. Thanks!

Coming soon to the radioactive overlord near you.

You know you want one, or you know someone who would. Admit it!

The scammers always write…

From Linda Kayoma [lindakayoma@yahoo.fr]
Dearest One,
Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. We are quite aware that our message will come to you as a surprise because it is indeed very strange for someone who you have not met before to contact you in this regard.

Hi Linda! No, not strange; happens all the time, actually. *ahem*

I am Ms. Linda and Jerry Kayoma, the son of late Chief and Mrs. Williams Konate. Our father was a very wealthy Cocoa merchant in Abidjan, the Economic capital of Ivory Coast, our father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip. Our mother died through cancer of the breast, then we were babies and since then our father took us so special.

That’s horrible, Linda. I– wait. What?! Say that first part again.

I am Ms. Linda and Jerry Kayoma, the son of late Chief and Mrs. Williams Konate.

I am Ms. Linda. Singular, fine. But you’re also Linda and Jerry, the son of some dead Chief and Mrs.? Is that singular and plural? Are you two people, joined at the spam-bone? Or all of the above? You’re losing me, LindaJerry Dearest One.

bla bla bla Please, we are willing to offer you 15% of the total sum bla bla bla Pls. I will be happy to have you as my guardians.

We, plural. Then I, singular. And finally me, singular, as your guardians, plural.

This is the part where my head explodes. *Poom!*

Okay that’s enough stupid scam-spam for now, yes? Let’s move along to something radioactive and tasty: Mutant, a fine song from the recently discovered Radioactive Chicken Heads. You’ll find this song and many others available here for your listening and downloading pleasure. Enjoy.

Is it just me, or have you also found tasty tunes whilst looking for something else?

Yes, this is today’s second post. No, it’s not likely to become routine. Then again, what do I know? I’m just the monkeys’ minion.

The primary business owners of my new, shared-space workplace seem overly fond of large, framed motivational/inspirational posters; they’ve mounted at least fourteen of ‘em along the three hallways I can see from the lobby. I’ve walked past the one shown below dozens of times, but only glanced at it. Until this morning.

You can’t read the text, but it says, and I quote,

ANGER MANAGEMENT
Never direct your rage at coworkers - that’s what your family is for

I swear I am not making this up. If you don’t believe me, visit this page and click through the picture - titled “World’s Most Dysfunctional Inspirational Poster - for a readable image.

I expect this kind of thing from say, Despair.com, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t one of their products. Guess I’m not used to seeing such edgy - what, sarcasm? Attempts at humor? - in these typically stodgy posters. Then again, maybe I’m just jealous because I didn’t think of it first.

What do you think, my feiends? Have you seen any similar surprise messages in so-called motivational posters?

In case you didn’t know - it was news to me until I saw this week’s issue of teh Wittenburg Door - there’s a project “dedicated to translating the entire Bible into lolspeak” aka the LOLCat Bible Translation Project.

Cieling Cat creates the universe and stuff - by bboyneko

Here’s an excerpt from the first chapter of Genesis.

²⁰ An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem. ²¹ An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good. ²² An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh. ²³ An so teh…fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

I suppose at some point one should wonder if this represents too much of a good thing.

Srsly.

While on a recent fishing trip at a local wildlife refuge, the Radioactive Man-Cub aka Adamantium Jam spotted something… unusual on the ground.

Two words, my feiends: yellow. Poo. I swear I am not making this up, and I apologize for the crappy camera phone picture. It was most definitely yellow poo. Possibly the most unnatural-looking thing I’ve ever seen, and at a nature reserve no less.

Anyone know what animal(s) might do this kind of doo-doo? Besides the obvious of course.

Sliders made from kids? Eww!

Still, it does put an interesting spin on the whole “serving children” theme, eh?