Radioactive Jam

Don’t blame me, this is all blog feiend and Radioactive Docent Syar aka ^SRaD’s fault. This morning she tweeted* something about icky chicken and lo, the ever-ponderous wheels in my head started turning. To make a short story shorter, I’ve decided to start a fast food franchise featuring chocolate covered breaded chicken wings. The company slogan will be:

We put the ick in chicken.

Haven’t decided on a name yet, though Icky Chicken might fly.† Any other suggestions?

Update in a follow-up tweet, Syar wrote:

Should the mascot be oozing, and radioactive green? Seems only proper.

I’m for it. Maybe we’ll lose the chocolate and add a creamy, glowing green filling aka nukeage aka radioactive ooze. Get ready my feiends: Radioactive Chicken,‡ coming soon to an eatery† near you.

* Tweet = Twitter message. In case you were, you know. Wondering.
† So to speak.
‡ Please note this is not the Radioactive Chicken Heads, a fine geek punk rock band from Orange County, CA.

Yes, this is today’s second post. No, it’s not likely to become routine. Then again, what do I know? I’m just the monkeys’ minion.

The primary business owners of my new, shared-space workplace seem overly fond of large, framed motivational/inspirational posters; they’ve mounted at least fourteen of ‘em along the three hallways I can see from the lobby. I’ve walked past the one shown below dozens of times, but only glanced at it. Until this morning.

You can’t read the text, but it says, and I quote,

ANGER MANAGEMENT
Never direct your rage at coworkers - that’s what your family is for

I swear I am not making this up. If you don’t believe me, visit this page and click through the picture - titled “World’s Most Dysfunctional Inspirational Poster - for a readable image.

I expect this kind of thing from say, Despair.com, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t one of their products. Guess I’m not used to seeing such edgy - what, sarcasm? Attempts at humor? - in these typically stodgy posters. Then again, maybe I’m just jealous because I didn’t think of it first.

What do you think, my feiends? Have you seen any similar surprise messages in so-called motivational posters?

Late at night and without permission, some of the voices in my head have been listening to a couple tracks from The Weepies new album, Hideaway. Even worse, they…

*ahem*

I won’t lie to you, this isn’t easy for me.

…

They, ah, … *ahem* … well, it seems they like The Weepies.

*throws shovels full of dirt into the open grave of his self-respect*

Okay FINE but I swear, if the voices start listening to some band with a name like The Whingeing Emo Dorks, I’m drawing the line.

Every now and then spammers write something so riveting,* so mind-bogglingly incomprehensible profound, I almost dry myself in excitement. For example, consider this recent drivel rivet* from allextoyot.

More shortly, have made to me the car, it became much more pleasant, but thus there was other reality. Once having felt the racer I have burnt a cursor, and itself have not understood as?
Bay-bay…

I think it’s trying to say something, trying to… I don’t know, communicate with me. You know like when you tune your TV to an off-air station and see static, and if you stare long enough or are really tired or have taken the right drugs you start to see words and pictures forming in the electromagnetic noise? It’s kind of like that, only the static makes more sense.

Long live other reality!

Dear Alextwit,

Strangely enough, I know exactly what you mean.

Bay-bay,
Radioactive Jam

* In this context, rivet and riveting mean “large cylindrical chunks of metal pounded through your skull and into your brain.” But I’m sure you understood as, yes?

I hope you’re sitting down.

This morning I successfully ironed my shirt, and scorched neither the shirt nor my fingers.

Bring on the day, world. Bring. It. On!

Seriously, am I a dork domestic wizard or what?

Srsly.

But I am. Locked inside the nice white building with the target circle around it. Sorry I can’t tell you more; if I did you’d want to kill me I’d have to kill you because it’s way nerdy boring secret.

* * * * *

Won’t it be fun when Teh Google starts to deliver real time satellite imagery for (and of) the masses? I don’t think they’re “there” yet but seriously, how long before you can go to some outdoor spot, open your browser and watch yourself watch yourself browse?

When the day arrives, make sure you don’t view yourself from behind; people might stare at you when you shout, “Gaah! Is my asterisk really that big?!”*

* I’m pretty sure the atmosphere adds at least ten pounds.

Your Radioactive Overlord is in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, separated from family and real-life feiends for the next two weeks as he once again sacrifices both brain and body for The Man. With any luck he will free himself from the heinous curse of this 3rd-person existence and find time to visit blogs, comment et cetera.

But during the daytime not so much, because he will be working on a secret project at a highly secure location, from which blogging would earn him a definite Naughty-Naughty and possibly other sanctions.

Laterz kittehs.

To whom it may concern (whatever that means): this post might not make much sense to you. In other words, you might not “get” it. If so I apologize; my posts are almost never this nerdy. Okay that’s not even remotely true but still. Thank you for understanding.

* * * * *

The sign shown below graces a roadside near where I work. The ad promotes Hard Knocks, a local indoor combat sports arena. (Zombie Night! 29.95! Tickets on sale now! … Which actually looks pretty cool. But I digress.)

I’ve glanced at it in passing a number of times, but yesterday I looked closely and noticed something… unusual. The Geek Chorus of Voices In My Head immediately connected the unusual feature with one of my all-time favorite bits of science fiction. Can you spot teh strangeness in this close-up, and - to quote a certain animated megalomaniac - “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Wonder if her name is Alia…

*Ahem*

Anyway. If you don’t see it right away and want a hint, let me know. If you do see it, congratulations. You qualify for teh Total Geek Discount on all products available in the Radioactive Realms.

Whatever that means.

From today’s Twitter stream. Aside: this is all twitterfeiend akaSylvia’s fault.

akaSylvia: I’m not a morning person. I’m not much of a night owl, either. I have about two good hours in the afternoon. Gah, and one of them is gone!
bc: @akaSylvia my good hours are stuck in traffic. In a different time zone. And they need to pee.

Twitterfeiend Pewari suggested I get my response printed on a t-shirt. While that might happen someday, at this point I’m content to settle for a blog post.

Yet another aside: Sylvia and Pewari also blog. Check ‘em out here and here; you will like them I am sure.

* * * * *

Do you have a Twitter account? If not, why not? I’m just, you know. Wondering.

In case you didn’t know - it was news to me until I saw this week’s issue of teh Wittenburg Door - there’s a project “dedicated to translating the entire Bible into lolspeak” aka the LOLCat Bible Translation Project.

Cieling Cat creates the universe and stuff - by bboyneko

Here’s an excerpt from the first chapter of Genesis.

²⁰ An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem. ²¹ An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good. ²² An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh. ²³ An so teh…fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

I suppose at some point one should wonder if this represents too much of a good thing.

Srsly.